So once again, it's time for a rare treat.  You get to be delighted by a blog post from Jon instead of Janice!

A few months ago Janice did what she normally does every year.  She pops up from her laptop and says, "Ooooooh, I know what I want for Christmas!"  She then proceeds to tell me this or that, and I'm usually distracted playing a game or writing some code yada yada yada.  Of course I half hazardly say, "oh yeah that sounds like a great idea, I can handle that!", and then promptly forget what she told me she wanted for Christmas.  Don't think this is exclusive to Christmas either.  Mother's Day, Anniversary, Birthday, I suffer from the same affliction every time.  I hear what she says, think it's a great idea, and think to myself, "Self, there's no way you are going to forget this present, it's way too [insert your favorite adjective here] fun, awesome, easy!"  You know that kind of thing.  I don't think I'm alone in this disease.  You know what I mean all you men out there.  It's like the selective hearing problem we have as men.  At certain times of the day, the exact frequency of our wives voice suddenly becomes inaudible to us.  I don't know how this happens.  But it does!

To remedy this problem, for the non major events, Janice has just started building an amazon shopping cart wish list and I get to choose what looks good on it and she is still surprised.  Everybody's happy.  Janice gets what she wants and doesn't need to be disappointed with her husband, and I get to look like a rock star for getting the perfect gift.  It's a win win really.

But this year Christmas was different.  She wanted me to make her something.  This of course messed up our little system.  Apparently "making something" involves more than some pointing and clicking, which I happen to be very good at.  Janice wanted a bath table.  From the moment I heard it, I knew I was in trouble, so I clarified.  "You want a table for the bathtub," I said.  She replied "Yeah, I was thinking you could grab some spare wood we have laying around, cut it to size, and stain it for me."  Sounds simple enough and hay, I talked her into getting me a Nexus 7 for Christmas, I could handle this.  Then my brain started spinning the wheels like it does and I think to myself, "Self, that's kind of a lame present."  I get a tablet, and Janice gets a big beat up stick.  This will not do.

So I jump online and do what every sane person does and Googled around for bath tables.  I found tables like this:

and this

and this.

I look at all of these tables and I think, "Well these are a fine and dandy and all that but they all have a fatal flaw.  They are not Janice friendly."

You see for those who don't know, Janice is. . . how do you say. . . well. . . clumsy.  She has a tendency to run into you know, door frames, and they don't exactly move.  If Janice can possibly find a way to injure herself, she will.  I don't know how it happens.  I think it has something to do with that same disease that makes husbands forgetful.  Regardless, I digress.  All of these tables look well built and sturdy, but they also look heavy and have sharp corners.  Two criteria that will just not get along very well with Janice's toes when the tables fall from short distances.  Remember, this is a bath table.  There are no shoes in the bathtub.  So with this in mind, a stained up piece of wood will not do.  We got to round those corners and cut down on the weight to make this thing durable enough to withstand Janice, but also toe friendly enough to accommodate her disease.

Oh one more quick side thingy.  Whenever I get assigned a new project, for my reward I get to go buy a new tool.  It's a really sweat deal, so having to do this little project worked out well for me because I got a new router bit and a belt sander out of it. 🙂

With that in mind, I take some quick tub measurements set off to the "manly store" (Home Depot) to get my materials.  I know girls, you like to shop there too, but let me tell you, there is a real spiritual experience that goes on in a man's body every time he enters those semi truck sized sliding glass doors under those massive orange letters.  Especial when we get to bring home tools.  I don't know what it is.  I'm a computer programmer.  Not exactly a ripped super model but that surge of testosterone happens to me and every other man I know when they enter. 🙂

Kaylee and I set out to find the perfect piece of wood for this table.  They didn't have any of the nice solid hardwoods in the width that I needed, and hardwoods are a bit heavy.  So we found some really nice pine plywood.  I thought the plywood layers would give the ends a nice pattern when it was all stained up.  My plan of attack was to cut the wood down to size and then round those corners as smooth as I could get.  Then route out some grooves from the center to drop as much weight as I could without losing structural integrity.  Then sand like crazy because this thing would need to be super smooth because if anybody could find a splinter, Janice could.  Next stain it up purty and cake on the clear coat.

It took a few weekends and a few late nights to get it all together.  Hey it takes a long time, 72 hours between coats of clear for application, and to sand.  The week before Christmas I headed off to Wal-Mart and picked up some bath salts, a nice scented candle, and some bath candles.  I had to have the checkout lady sniff everything for me and make sure everything worked because my snoz is broken.  Confident in aromatic delight I wrapped it all up and snuck it under the tree.  Janice was pleasantly surprised on Christmas.  She did not expect to have anything to open.  This would not be the first year that has happened, and her table was still in the garage drying Christmas morning.

Ok without further ado, here is my Merry Christmas to Janice present.

I think it turned out pretty good.  Don't you?