I’ve been asked that question lots. Never in a mean way. People are just curious. And that’s okay. It has made me realize that I don’t have our reasons written down, and that I should. For us, and for our children to know and remember.
So, why adoption?
Jon and I have always planned on adoption and foster care. It’s just something we feel strongly about. We had many hours of long discussions about both BEFORE we got married. Our plan was to have some bio kids first (if we even could.), and then when they were in school and old enough to understand we would foster and adopt from the state.
We really wanted them to be old enough to understand that not every child that came to our house would be ours to keep forever. Some would, but most would hopefully get to go back home to their Mom and Dad. We just really want to be able to help out some children while we look for ours.
I am not so good and sitting back and waiting. I like to feel like I am doing something while I wait. We also didn’t feel like we HAD to have a newborn. So the foster to adopt program is just perfect for us. We like the idea of giving as many children a taste of “normal” (what is normal anyway?) as possible, to give them hope of a brighter future for themselves and their family. We believe that small moments of love and kindness can make huge impact for children.
So that was our plan for growing our family. We loved this plan. We loved how flexible and changeable this plan is. Good thing too because plans change.
We were married for just a couple of months when we decided it was time to start having children. We got pregnant right away. We were beyond thrilled! We tried to keep it a secret, but failed. And then we had our first miscarriage. And it sucked. Gut wrenching pain physically and emotionally.
I knew that most women experience a miscarriage, and that it didn’t necessarily mean anything was wrong. But I sort of had this feeling like something wasn’t quite right… So after our second miscarriage I found a OBGYN that was reportedly good at infertility/difficult pregnancy and made an appointment.
The office I went to strongly encouraged Jon to came to all appointments. Which we loved. So Jon went with me and held my hand as I got poked and prodded. He was there for every single appointment.
Good: I am not exactly infertile.
Bad: I was diagnosed with an inverted, overactive, and hostile uterus. (Having a hostile uterus makes me think of Monica from Friends. It helps me laugh about it even though it sucks.)
Meaning that while I can get pregnant, it is extremely difficult. And then staying pregnant is even more so. Miscarriages. Lots.
We decided to go ahead and keep trying. It was not easy. It was not fun. It took LOTS of drugs and LOTS of bed rest. I hurt ALL.THE.TIME! Staying pregnant was rather involved. We had so many extra Dr. appointments, ultra sounds, stress tests, and hospital trips for injections (yea….). I had to set an alarm clock to go off every four hours so that I could take all my meds on time. The meds kept the contractions to ten minuets apart, and kept the pre-term labor from progressing. I felt like I never slept.
Jon was worried all the time about me and the baby. But it was worth it. 36 weeks of painful contractions and worry later we were in the hospital bringing our little girl into the world.
I had some issues healing up after Kaylee birth. It took a surgery to get me back to “normal” (ya. that word again). After much discussion with both our OB’s (Yes, we had two working with us.) we decided that the risk was worth trying for a second child. We also decided before we started trying for number two that if it went the same as Kaylee’s pregnancy we would not risk trying for number three. That that would be… unwise.
Regan pregnancy was worse. It was a horrible Deja vu. I thought Kaylee’s pregnancy was bad. I was wrong. For 37 long weeks I couldn’t Mother my little girl. That right there was the nail in the coffin. I would not put another child (or myself) through that again. Jon was a mess right along with me. He was worried about losing me and the baby. He didn’t know if he could be a single Father.
So we decided it would be stupid (not unwise, but stupid) to try a third time. We got lucky twice and are more than grateful for those experiences. But we will not take that risk again when there is a better way. We know we are meant to grow our family through adoption. Plus it was already part of our plan to grow our family so it was not a big deal for us to just be finished with the “normal” (I’m not a huge fan of that word…) way to grow a family.
So that’s our story. We are so excited to meet our children however and at whatever age they come to us.
***If you hear of any situation where a Mom is considering placing her child please let her know about us and give her our information. The more people who know and spread the word that we are looking to adopt the better our chances are of finding our child. Thank you!***
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