Got a text invite from a sweet friend to come play at the park. And since we were done with morning errands we went to play for a bit before morning nap time.
A year ago around this time I was planning Monkey girl’s fist birthday party. I was a hot crying emotional mess. Severance had already happened and we were just living in limbo waiting for their parents to be found.
I was planing RJ and Vivi’s parties as well. And kinda mad. Nope. Just mad. Mad that they were in limbo. Mad that their parents were going to miss first, second, and fifth birthdays. Every first that these kids had for the year we loved them I wondered about their first and future Mom. Whoever and wherever she was/is she was missing first steps, words, adventures…
And then I started thinking about our missing person and wondering how many of their special days and moments we had already missed. I was a hot mess this time last year.
And then we brought Ronon home. He wasn’t walking yet. He only had a few words. He hadn’t had his first birthday yet. It was like a special gift from heaven. Yes, we missed lots of firsts. But not all of them.
And you know what? Even if we had missed all the firsts I am starting to realize that that would have been just fine. Our missing person is home exactly when he was supposed to come.
Waiting on Heavenly Father’s time is hard. But He knows just what I need as a Mom. I cherished all of the missed firsts for a year for three Moms. They are engraved into my heart for ever.
And ALL of Ronon’s firsts that I do get to have are even more special for the knowledge that I am blessed and lucky to witness his firsts.
Happiest first birthday party baby!
Obviously I went with a DC comics superhero theme with an emphasis on The Flash. Because for four years we waited and looked for our missing person and then like a flash it all came together and suddenly he was home. Plus we REALLY like DC comics.
I was able to hunt down the maker and special order another monkey blankie for him. He LOVES monkey. A spare for washing and in case we ever loose monkey was a must. He was so funny looking at both of his monkeys. This was the best photo we could get of our one year old on his birthday. He will I’m sure get use to posing for the camera. Because I’m his Mama and that means he ‘s going to grow up with a camera in his face every single day.
Happy first birthday Ronon Flynn. We are so very happy you are home.
June 16th we got a Facebook message from Jon’s cousin.
“Hi Janice and Jon,
I wanted to reach out to you because my aunt Dawn ( moms sister) knows a 1 year old boy that needs to be adopted. I always see your posts so thought I would bring you all together to see if it possibly would be a good fit. Hope it’s okay that I am starting this conversation.”
And that’s how we met our son. Our son. It’s so strange and wonderful and perfect. Four years of waiting and it’s like a waking dream.
We texted and Facebook messaged all that day. And the next.
I’m re reading those messages and I’m laughing at how standoffish I was. We’ve had these beginning conversations several times over the last four years and not been chosen so I was holding back lots.
Looking back over the last four and a half years I can now see clearly all the tender mercies that our Heavenly Father provided us to get us ready for our son.
On Saturday the 18th we got to go meet him and play with him. And we knew. We knew we were his. BUT since we have had children not actually come home before we were scared and didn’t want to tell anyone about the situation.
I remember just staring at him and chatting with Brandie and Scott (who were loving on him) and looking at Jon and trying to get a read on him about how he felt. Nothing. And he didn’t want to talk about anything until we got home. I was also kind of annoyed at my big kids who were off playing with others and didn’t seem interested in baby.
So I sat in awe and wonder at this little boy and wondered what my family thought of him. And waited. (Which is the worst.)
Our children were hungry so we stopped by Subway on the way home and grabbed lunch. I asked Jon while we were in line about what he thought and was feeling. “Let’s wait until we get home.”
So we get home and it was another twenty minutes (which felt like LOADS longer) before we could head to our room for a private chat.
Jon: He’s our son.
Me: You couldn’t tell me that sooner?! (I may have wanted to throw a pillow at him.)
Jon: I wanted to wait until we were alone. And I don’t want to tell anyone yet. Not even the kids.
Me: ………….. I’m texting Dawn! (They were waiting to hear and waiting is the worst.)
There were lots of tears of joy from us both. And we talked about what a strange way that was to meet our son. Our son… 🙂
Then we hashed out why he didn’t want to tell people. And he did. And I did. But what if it didn’t work out?….
And that’s the thing when you experience loss. You kinda shy away from trumpeting wonderful news until you know it’s not news. Until it’s official and really really real. We were the same way after our miscarriages and after our first placement match fell through. We huddle in and keep precious sacred information close to our hearts.
The kids though. That was hard. I agreed that not telling them until it was official was for the best. They’ve been hurt before too. But still. Hard. It didn’t help that they both individually asked us when we were bringing their baby home. Turns out they didn’t need more than a few seconds in his presence to know that he was their brother.
Sunday was Father’s day. It was a bittersweet day. Knowing our son and not having him with us sucked. Knowing he was being loved on by such wonderful family helped lots.
Monday my phone was all but glued to my ear. Dawn, ongoing case worker – Jennifer, our licensing specialist – Denise. Phone calls, texts, emails…. Totally worth it for this introvert because Monday night we got to bring him home.
Our son is home. And it already feels like he always was. Smitten. Grateful. Blessed beyond measure. Ronon (ro non – Righteous Outspoken Nurturing Observant Nonchalant) Flynn (Son of a red-haired man) is HOME. And the most amazing part? His family came with him. Not to our home (yet), but to our family.